Personal Growth

It not good keeping your emotions locked away, other wise you become numb.
Healing my heart and soul is what this adventure is about.

I have felt like a injured soul not truly knowing the sum of who I am.
It has been hard to see the positive things in my life.

I know that I'm loved by the Lord, and that I am a child of God. That I have been blessed with a family that loves me.

My mother, bless her heart, tells me every day, "Anita I love you more than anything, and don't you ever forget."

Every one in my family has their own way of showing me they love me. For instance, Logan, my son, is more vocal, so every time he passes by me he says, "Mom I love you." Some day that can be every five minutes and very annoying, but I am grateful that he expresses his love for me.

The way Ashley expresses her love for me is more in what she does for me.
She makes sure that I have eaten something that day, or will make me a sandwich.
She usually run to store to get me a Diet Dr. Pepper. Ashley often tells me that she loves me and I do love hearing her voice.

Samantha is a lot harder at telling me she loves me. I know she does love me, but I have not heard her actually say "I love you Mom". Honestly I don't know when those words were last spoken to me.

When our children were little one thing I made sure of, is they knew they are loved. Knowing you're loved was important to my parents, and they always expressed their love to me growing up. I wanted my children to feel the power of love like I had known through out my life.

My top priority when my children were first born was to show them my love. I would often take their sweet little spirits into my arms to show them. By rocking and singing to them and telling them how much I loved them.

Samantha and I have always gotten along until she became a teenager. As a working full time mother I missed out on spending time with my children. Lately they never seem to let me forget how bad of mom I was because I was always gone. When I got home I usually fell right to sleep because of my illnesses. Most of the time I slept until the next morning, and then we would go through the same routine again.

I was m.i.a in their lives. That was never something I did on purpose. I often wonder if my doctor really even looked for the causes. I was in his office all the time due to illness, and it just makes me wonder why I was never diagnosed before March 2009.

I probably will never know the answer, I'm just Thankful that Dr. Becker helped me find the medical conditions that were killing me.
The longer I went with out surgery or medication, I would not be alive today.

Now I have a grandson, Gunner, to live for, and a new grand baby due in December. Hopefully I will make up with Sammie, and she will see that I'm not such a bad
Mother after all.

There is so much room in my heart, and I hope and pray I can share that with my family and my grand children
I'm not out to change who I am, I'm looking for positive personal growth